First, a quick recap on the happenings in the Sheeder family. Baby #3 is due on Thursday and I have an induction scheduled for Friday, May 2nd (because of the large size of my last babies). Everyone is excited, especially for the extra surprise of finding out whether it's a girl or a boy. Thanks to Jon's urging, we decided not to find out the gender this time. Everett (almost 4) and Hazel (almost 2) are excited to have their Aunt Char and Uncle Michael here for a couple days while Mom and Dad are at the hospital.
In the meantime, we have been trying to make the most of our last couple weeks as a family of four. I am so glad that the kids are learning more and more how to play together happily.
Now on to what's been on my heart these days.
It has been brought to my attention that recently, planning, organization and managing my to-do lists has been occupying way too much of my time. It has far surpassed a healthy level and spiraled into an obsession that seems to have become the center of my life. I know some of you may be thinking that's a normal 3rd trimester reaction and that may be partially true, however, still unacceptable. It goes against everything I've been working so hard in the past couple years to change. Not to mention, I know the devil will use anything, even pregnancy hormones, to weasel his way into my life and distract me from my purpose. Up until this realization, I had lost sight of my focus on peace and joy. Last week at Bible study, a woman gave the opening intro and said these words: "Compulsive planning pays homage to the idol of control." This is exactly what my life has been about lately. Making sure that everything is "ready" for the baby. You name it, I've planned for it. I mean, I can't tell you how many online orders and trips to various grocery stores and Target I've made in the past 6 weeks (actually, I probably could but I'm too ashamed). The way I've been stocking up on every single thing we might need, you'd think I was planning to be be holed up in a bomb shelter for the next three months.
Part of it is an irrational fear of the unknown. I was thinking about it calmly the other day and realized that this is completely silly. If we need, say, produce, milk and bread for example, surely Jon is perfectly capable of taking the two kids to the store while I stay home with the baby. That doesn't seem so bad. But the picture I've been envisioning for the past 9 months when I think about how three kids is going to be is more like this: baby screaming, kids fighting, toys flying, things breaking, dirty dishes everywhere and people (mostly me) crying. So to combat this ridiculous fear, I have been turning to compulsive planning to cope. Don't get me wrong, organization and preparation are good habits to have. But when it crosses the line into obsession, it steals your joy and prevents you from being content in the moment. I've been stressed, impatient, and haven't been able to spend as much quality time enjoying my husband and children because my mind's been occupied with checking off that next item on the list.
While it's unfortunate that I realized this with only days left until my induction, I'm glad I did because this will surely continue to be a temptation once the baby is here too. I need to let go of control. It's stealing the precious joy that I've been working so hard to focus on.
Instead, I need to turn to Jesus. He died to set me FREE. It doesn't just mean free from the penalty of my sins. It means freedom from worry, freedom from fear of the unknown, freedom from compulsive planning. I need to walk with Jesus in freedom!
I can't keep falling for the devil's lies that planning and preparedness will give me security and comfort. It is so obviously untrue. All it does is destroy my contentment and distract me from pursuing God's plan for my life. Although I don't know what all His plan involves, I do know that it will bring fulfillment that only He can provide. And I know that I will miss out on it if I am constantly thinking about making sure we have enough toilet paper and canned fruit so that we never have to leave the house!
"The thief's purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life." (Jesus speaking) John 10:10
So, this is my new prayer: "Turn my eyes from worthless things, and give me life through your word." (Psalms 119:37). It feels good to let go and to just trust the Lord with my life. Nothing else has made me feel more ready for this baby than that. I am so excited to see what He has in store for us this Friday!
"Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord." Philippians 3:8
We appreciate your prayers and will keep you posted on Baby Sheeder's arrival!
Love to all,
Emily
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