Letting Go

Merry Christmas, Friends!

We have been loving the holiday season this year as we feel a spirit of joy in our home lately.  Maybe it's the new addition we have coming in May, or maybe it's the visits with family we've had and have coming up or maybe it's Christmas fast approaching…

 

But I have a feeling it's more than all of that.

I think that a weight has been lifted for our whole family because of a transformation that has been happening in my life.

At the beginning of this year, I decided that I was going to keep a running prayer list that I could hang on the wall with all of my prayer requests for the year.  I made the rule that no worry or request was too small to make the list.  There was a column for the prayer request with the date, and another column for the answer with the date.  I guess my goal by doing this was to have a tangible list of evidence of all the prayers God answers in my life to look back on when I'm in need of strengthened faith.  I stayed committed to the list for the entire year and I can't believe how blessed I have been by it.  The amount of answered prayers and even…. dare I say… miracles that I witnessed over the year have left me in awe.  It makes me wonder - was this an extra special year?  Or does this happen every year and I've just never realized it because I've never had a log?  I mean, I have for years kept a journal with prayers and have no doubt written about many answers in it, but this is so much more obvious.  I have it hanging in the kitchen where I can see it from the dinner table and every time I look at it, God's faithfulness is right there in my face.

I will fully admit that I am a worrier.  I get bad anxiety when I don't know how something is going to work out or when it looks like something bad is on the horizon.  I use my logic to examine the situation and think, there's only three ways this could possibly play out: A, B or C - none of which are good.  But this simple prayer chart has changed my life.  What I've come to learn this year is that more often than not, God swoops in with a scenario F which I never could have imagined and I am astonished.  After seeing this happen time and time again (and having to write it down), I've come to realize that there's no point in worrying when I can't even see the whole picture.  Yes, there have been heartbreaks, disappointments and times of grief.  Many answers are not what I wanted or anticipated.  But even when I have to write those answers down, many times I have later learned why the answer was no and I get to go back and write that down too.  I can see God's provision even during the harshest let downs.  I've realized that I can totally trust God to work it out for me because now I have evidence that he does every time.  I cannot tell you how much peace this has brought me.  It is a continuous discipline but little by little, I am beginning to let go of my anxiety and trust my Savior with my life.  

Am I suggesting that this change has been felt even by my toddlers?  That the weight of my anxiety and need for control was crushing my family too?  Yes, yes I am.  In fact, for weeks, maybe months, Jon has been asking me what is different and why I seem so much more joyful.  I haven't had an answer until now because even I didn't realize what was prompting this change.  But now that I know, I am determined not to backslide in my progress.  Jon says that he has experienced more peace and joy lately and I can see it in our kids' faces too.  I want the peace that trusting God with my life brings.  I want to reflect it to everyone around me so that they too long for this peace that is available to anyone who puts their trust in the Lord.  There is nothing like it.



 
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.   -Philippians 4:6-7

And my very favorite:

I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him.  Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.   -Romans 15:13

Peace to all of you this Christmas season :-)