Creepy Crawlers

It's common knowledge that Hawai'i is a tropical place.  When we think tropics we think palm trees, beautiful beaches and lush jungles.  But as I am learning, it is not all butterflies and rainbows in the tropics. It seems a trade-off was deemed necessary by God in exchange for all this beauty.... and that is BUGS (or small animals if you want to call it like it is).

Growing up in Minnesota and living in Southern California for the past nine years, I am not accustomed to these types of creatures.  It is true that mosquitos are worse in number in MN than they are here, but they have a more evil side on the island which is why they are Creepy Crawler #1.  They're sneaky little devils here.  In the Midwest when you start to feel the sting you can glance down and see the little bugger sucking away at your arm - usually giving you enough notice to give him a good smack (you guys know what I'm talking about, right?).  Well here, by the time you feel the sting those guys are long gone!  I have yet to actually catch a mosquito in the act!  All of a sudden you have five bites on your leg and no hope of satisfaction in vengeance.  They're like little ninjas!

And that brings me to Creepy Crawler #2: Geckos.  Now these guys don't bother me as much.  They're actually maybe even a little cute.  They hang out on your walls and ceilings (yes, in the house - seriously a mystery to me how they get in) and the big plus is that they eat mosquitos.  However, even with these guys I have my limits.  The other day I just about went into cardiac arrest when I went to refill my water and this guy came scurrying up out of my glass.

To make matters worse, Jon wasn't home so I was forced to get rid of him myself.  I walked slowly to the front door holding the glass out in front of me as far as my arm would stretch saying "Don't jump on me, don't jump on me" because I knew if he did I would freak out and drop the glass.  Unfortunately, when I got outside I was still chanting and walking as if carrying an egg on a spoon when I realized that our new neighbors were out on their lanai staring at me in silence.  Unsure if trying to explain myself would help my case, I just said hi quickly, nudged the lizard onto the railing and went inside without another word.  Hopefully they were just short term vacationers!

Creepy Crawler #3: Everyone's favorite - the Cockroach.  These we had in San Bernardino, but again, they could not have prepared me for this.  I can't explain without another embarrassing story. 

Last week was the first week of my new bible study and we were broken up into small groups getting to know each other.  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw this creature running along the floor board in the back of the room.  It was too big to be a bug (or so I thought) so my eyes were fixated trying to decipher what it was.  All of a sudden it changed courses and headed straight for our little circle.  And I mean this thing was cruising!  One of the aunties was in the middle of describing how the lesson impacted her and in a panic, I interrupted with "I'm sorry but there's a big.... thing running over here!"  The whole group turned and looked in the direction of my pointing and started laughing!  A couple of the ladies got up calmly and started stomping on it and one of them was like, "Honey, you've been here two months and you haven't seen a cockroach yet?!"  Ok, yes, I have seen plenty, but no exaggeration, this thing was three inches long!!  I explained but they continued to insist that this size roach is just a normal part of daily life on the island and that they're even in their houses!  Are you kidding me?!?  Girls carry dogs that size in their purses in California.  Still chuckling, they all chatted on sharing horror stories about much worse creepsters and I was horrified.  Needless to say, I did not sleep that night.

Creepy Crawler #4: Spiders.  I know these are everywhere but again, not like this.  Also, it needs to be said that I have a huge problem with spiders as it is.  We had a few garden spiders around the outside of our place when we moved in and those things were too much for me.  I made Jon buy some spider spray and blast the daylights out of those bad boys before I would even set foot on the lanai.  Apparently though, those are nothing compared to Cane Spiders, which are common enough for my bible study friends to have stories about (thanks ladies).  Most involve stepping on them in the dark so you better believe I take a flashlight with me whenever I get up in the night to go to the bathroom.  Their bodies can be the size of a golf ball!  And that's not including the legs!  I guess during my other bible study there was a sighting of one on the ceiling!  Fortunately for my ticker, the Lord spared me this knowledge until after the fact.  Here is a picture of one Tamayo encountered at work.  Conveniently, he posed right in front of a measuring scale to contribute to my repulsion.

Onto the final and perhaps most hyped up Creepy Crawler (#5) on the island: The Centipede.  Doesn't sound too scary, but these suckers can get up to 10 inches long!!  They are extremely resilient too, so as countless people have educated me, (again, thanks guys, seriously) you have to cut them in half with a knife.  What?!!  If you just try to squash them, they will come back.  I also read in my Kauai Guidebook that they are poisonous and although a bite will not kill you, the pain is so bad you might wish it would - it actually said that!  I also heard something which I'm hoping is a wives' tale.  That is that the best way to keep centipedes out of your bed is to not use bed skirts or let your bedding touch the floor.  When I first heard that I kind of thought, no way, until I remembered thinking it was weird when we first moved in and everything was made up all nice but the frames of the beds were all exposed.  Every time I run into our landlady I am tempted to ask about it but I always chicken out wondering if I really want to know.....

So Jon laughs at me every night when I do my pre-bed bug check.  And when I notice the bedspread untucked and scramble to get it off the floor.  And when I blast spiders from ten feet away until they're in a pool of bug poison (maybe the bigger, scarier spiders will get the message).  But hey, what can I say?  Am I a pansy?  Yes.  Do I have any intention of stopping this madness?  Absolutely not.  And if all goes according to my obsessive prevention plan, I will have no horror stories of my own to report ;)